Tuesday, April 10, 2007

The Journey of Chaz

Chaz was a fighter, the greatest warrior in all of Bagwell. Draped in his ceremonial orange garb with a very adhesive coating to fend off giants, Chaz prepared for his greatest challenge. The goal you ask? To infiltrate the mighty fortress of Dreadloch.

Well Chaz was ready; he prepared his squad of faithful companions – Lucky, McSpade, Turner, and Cojax.

The time was now, the mighty seal keeping Bagwell defended was opened – a thunderous pop was quickly followed by a burst of air. Chaz and his boys were off!

The landscape was eerily calm. The squad looked around, expecting to see something, anything. No, the fortress of Dreadloch seemed surprisingly quiet, it’s horrible stare pointed southerly. Lucky took point and slowly started to move towards Dreadloch’s outer perimeter. Suddenly, without warning, a mighty protrusion sprung forth from the lateral end of the fortress, this sentry like object quickly enveloped Lucky. Screaming in horror, Lucky was raised all the way to the peak of Dreadloch, a mighty opening appeared near the summit, and Lucky was tossed in like a mere rag-doll. The giant opening clamped down and seemed to almost begin a grinding motion. Muffled screams could still be heard.

Still in shock, Chaz ordered an immediate fall back, he did not know what tipped off the guard, but the element of surprise was ruined – the scheme needed to be aborted. Almost as quickly as he called for retreat, the great lateral extension returned and grabbed the rest of the team.

While the grip was tight, the four squad members were not in pain, they solemnly awaited their fate in the depths of Dreadloch. The opening began to raise, an indescribable stench emanated from the cavernous pit. The squad looked to Chaz for any last minute orders; the look on his face was enough – Be Prepared.

Darkness. Warm. Wet. These were the only words capable of describing the initial feelings of the pit. There was no sign of Lucky, save for some tattered remnants of his outer garb. Chaz sat silently for what felt like hours before the next horrible event began to unfold before his very eyes.

Giant blunt spears began to converge on the team; Turner lost his legs instantly to the violent grinding. The floor also had a pattern of similar sharp objects, clearly meant for shredding any men hapless enough to challenge the forces of Dreadloch. McSpade was not so lucky; his head was bludgeoned mercilessly by one of the deeper grinders, dead upon impact. Chaz and Cojax were holding their ground in the middle of the cavern. However, the floor actually turned out to be a massive tentacle, gnashing and flipping the brave warriors ever closer to the grinders. Cojax got to Turner and pulled him near the walls, away from the grinders and the massive tentacle. Unfortunately, the denizens of Dreadloch were far from finished.

The remaining warriors soon realized that the slime protruding into the pit was actually penetrating their armor. Vital components began to melt away, and the slime continued to degrade and weaken their bodies. Chaz knew they had no time left, acting quickly, he pointed out an exit path to his two remaining men. Although they had no idea where this tunnel would lead, anything was better than the meat grinder they were stuck in. Helping to carry Turner’s mangled body, the three warriors embarked into the tunnel, which quickly became a vertical plunge.

Having no foothold whatsoever, the three were completely helpless and at the mercy of whatever devilish trickery lay ahead.

They luckily landed in a swamp-like mire, deep in the heart of Dreadloch. The liquid and soft turf helped lessen the brutal fall. Turner had unfortunately bled to death; his last request was to give the family ring to his little daughter, Annabelle – Chaz vowed to carry out these wishes. The two laid Turner down into the mire and no sooner had they finished, when the entire swamp began to bubble and churn.

The bubbling quickly turned into burning and the twisting ground made it impossible to move. Deep pits that were previously hidden began spewing forth corrosive acid. Cojax was hit immediately in the face, screaming in agony as his vision blurred. Chaz ducked down, trying in vain to run. Remarkably, Chaz was able to get out of the initial sludge, but his right arm had been completely mangled by acid and his legs were broken from the violent twisting spurred by the ground. He looked back to see Cojax essentially disintegrate into a gelatinous blob, engulfed in the torrent of acid and fluids. Chaz found an exit, but it was a tight fit, and he knew he would have little control over his destination. Looking back once more at the remains of his colleagues, Chaz crawled into the opening.

Silence, blissful silence. Chaz was at peace, he was slowly gliding through very tight tubing. Abruptly, he bumped up against something tough. Looking on in horror, Chaz caught vision of the shredded remains of Lucky. Chaz was now stuck together with a corpse, and still gliding through the tube.

The silence did not last much longer. Slowly, noises began to creep up behind Chaz. He soon saw hundreds of imp like creatures rushing him from the back. They were merciless, bit by bit; they stripped Chaz of his protection and began to physically break his body down. Chaz lurched and fought as much as possible, but he was truly at the mercy of these hellish creatures. As quickly as they arrived, the imps vanished. Mangled beyond repair, Chaz continued to drift through the tubing. The tubing was getting bumpy. Chaz realized that the bumps were actually little hands, grabbing at his decrepit body. However, they were not pulling away his exterior; they were taking his very soul – his essence. Chaz had never felt such agony as his vital life force was literally driven out of his body. The torment eventually ended, Chaz merely wanted to die now; he continued to move through the tube, hours began to pass.

Finally, Chaz moved out into a large tubing network. His mangled body had been conjoined with the remains of Lucky, as well as others that Chaz had never met. Chaz began to feel dizzy, his head felt compressed. Some force had begun draining the remaining fluids from Chaz’s already depleted body. More pain, why couldn’t he just die?

As quickly as it had started, Chaz felt himself being pushed through one last opening, this time though, he no was longer in Mount Dreadloch. In fact, he was in some giant lake, the remains of many others spattered around him. Chaz could feel the creeping claw of death upon his back, and prepared to meet his maker. A loud clanking noise erupted from above, and the lake began to whirl around violently, eventually pulling Chaz and everyone else down into its depths. Finally, the nightmare had ended, Chaz closed his eyes and everything went black.

His fate had been sealed.


I dedicate this writing to Comparative Anatomy and that guy eating cheetos across the hall. Without you, I would know nothing about digestion and all its glory.

Seriously though, if you guys had to sit through a week learning about digestion, you’d begin to look at those cheetos a little bit differently too. Poor little guys.

I have way to much time on my hands.