Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Oh The Things You’ll See!

This post is long, and has little/nothing to do with dentistry, be forewarned!

Ah, I have returned from spring break and am midway through yet another full week of my last undergrad semester. Today I realized that senioritis has really settled in. The benefit of being in Illinois is that the weather usually sucks, but these last few days have been gorgeous. I bet if somebody did a legitimate study regarding senioritis, they would definitely find a connection between weather and studying.

There are several interesting points I have crossed this semester. I have also found myself a bit more reflective as the true transition creeps closer.

My average evening now does not consist of studying for immunology; I am usually sitting on my couch or porch enjoying fine ale and counting Cadillacs. Being the observant individual that I am, I have come to the conclusion that the majority of people at this school are completely insane.

Was I ever this completely out of control and obnoxious? Case in point, the girls that live next door are the most decadent and disgusting sluts I have ever met. Actually, I really haven’t met them even though they live RIGHT next to me. I knew I wouldn’t like them when I saw them moving in. One of the girls had a garbage bag FULL of cigarette boxes. I really don’t mind people that smoke; they know what they are doing…but a GARBAGE BAG!?

These are the typical college girls – giant boots, goofy looking skirts, whorish makeup, scent of STD, and worst of all… thunderously loud. These girls next door are really nothing more than a bunch of attention whores. These girls are in their early 20s, and still have the intellect, maturity level of a 16 year old. At times like this I ask myself..will they ever change? Or is partying on Tuesdays, smoking 10 packs a day, having sex with passer-byers and being on an endless binge really how one should live?

And when we have decadent sluts, of course we have your typical college guy (aka douchebag, stroke, bro). These girls attract them by the thousands. So now I have drunk loud girls, and violent drunk guys parading around my porch at all hours of the night (pretty much every night), stealing my chairs and littering shit everywhere.

I really am digressing, I was pretty stupid my FRESHMEN year, but I quickly realized that parties where you barely know anyone and the music is too loud to really talk to someone without yelling is not fun.

Allow me to elaborate:

(enter crowded apartment, Incessant rap with thudding bass blasting)

Guy A: Hey!!! Guy from math class, what’s up bra!?
Guy B: Nothing much bra, how about that test!? That shit was insane yo!!
Guy A: For sure! Where are the cups!?
(music suddenly gets louder)
Guy B: jarbled nonsense
Guy A: Where!?
Guy B: More inaudible noise!
Guy A: What!?
Guy B: ectera.

Girl A: What’s up jody!!!
Jody: What!?
Jody: No thanks…but thanks for asking!!

(you realize that the only beer available is keystone, vomit in your mouth a little at the thought of drinking it, and proceed to exit)

Random guy: HEY, I know you, what’s up maaaan!?
You: Actually, I have never seen you before!
RG: naaaaa, you are on the softball team guy!
You: Nope, not really
RG: uhhhhhh, cool though man, live strong!!
You: ok!
RG: what?
You: I said OK!!
RG: WHAT!!??

(walk onto front porch)

crying girl: ohhh, I just love him so much, but he has cheated on me with my best friend for the third time!!
Sympathetic Guy with Ulterior motives: That’s ok Tracey, you can do better.
Tracey: But I love him!
SGUM: Whenever I get low, I like to take a nice drive out to the cornfields and just look at the stars..wanna come?
Tracey: Yea, yea lets go.
SGUM: Wait, let me grab some keystones!
Tracey: GOOD IDEA!!

Walk home count:
Public urinators: 5
Random fight: 1
Clearly drunk people getting into cars: 11
Different places blasting shitty music: 7
Backward upside-down visors: 19
Huge snow boots in spring weather: 8
Popped collars: 15
Broken beer bottles: 14
Girls about to get raped: 5
Guys about to get bro raped: 9
Creepy middle-aged dudes asking you for party directions: 2
Townies leering across the street: 4
Pants sagging past the ass: 4

That is my example of a typical party night around here. I remember going out all the time freshmen year and thinking this was normal activity. I don’t know…it just doesn’t THRILL me and got old pretty damn fast.

In fact, going to these idiot-fests is really just a form of social-masturbation (props to my cuz for that one). They always degrade into some cheap soap-opera ripoff too, with someone getting REALLY upset at someone else – which is soon followed by lots of yelling and incoherent babbling. I grow weary of these scenarios. I want to have a REAL party with people I know and playing music that actually sounds good. I also want to have REAL beer and not this crap that literally tastes like city water and induces headaches like no other (I am talking to you miller light).

So what inspired me!? A few guys yesterday on SDN were arguing that people with low GPAs will make superior dentists because they got out and had fun during college which makes them more social. Binge drinking does not equate to social skills. The smartest people I know here are probably the most social people I have ever met. I just never knew that GPA correlated to social skill...amazing what you learn on the internets!

To cut this rant down, I leave you with this. Would you want this guy greeting you while you sit anxiously in the chair, waiting to get your teeth worked on?