Here's To You, Homeless Man

Here I am walking back home around 3:30pm after finishing another dull double-dip of urgent care duties last Friday. I look across the street and notice two things. Firstly, I see a hummer parked outside of the Seven-Eleven. Next, I see a huge homeless dude with a giant beard standing (literally blocking) the entrance to the store. I’m thinking to myself, that can’t be good for business.

So a guy comes out of the seven-eleven and gets into the hummer. As the tank begins to move out of the parking lot, the homeless man suddenly springs to life and just sort of half-ass kicks the rear bumper, while yelling a lot. Now at this point, I sort of stop. Fortunately I am across the street and can safely observe. The guy in the Hummer get’s out of his car and does the ‘tough-guy’ act.

TG: “Did you just kick this truck?”
HM: YES, YES I DID YOU OL’ MOFOING HIGH YERGESLFLKJ HONK STOP (as close a translation as I could make out)

TG: Don’t fucking touch my car again

HM: THAT AIN’T NO CAR, THAT BE A MOFOING TANK. ONLY BODIES THAT NEED THAT ARE IN A WARZONE. BLARELJARLHGHGHGHGH!!!

At this point the guy realized that this homeless man was totally correct, shut his mouth, got in his tank and left.

I LOVED this exchange. The homeless man pretty much summed up how I feel about Hummers. And he had the balls to not back down from his crazy antics.

I have almost been killed by Hummers on so many occasions now that it was nice to see someone that agrees with me. I can’t turn left when there is a hummer turning left on the opposite side. Why? Because I CAN’T SEE AROUND IT. I could go on, but there is no topping the eloquence of the homeless man. He made my weekend.

So here’s to you homeless man. You may need shower and a shave, but you make more sense the 90% of the people on this planet.